Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
