Pants 0. Shit 1.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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