please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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