1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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