So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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