when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
