happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
