I wish I could punch you in the face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
