What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I puked a lego.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
