Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
