Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize