Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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