it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
