Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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