Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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