well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
