I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
