I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
