They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize