he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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