I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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