She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
