It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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