you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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