To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
