Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
