I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
