So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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