Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
