i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
