I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
