I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
