just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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