dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
