puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize