The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
