just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
