Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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