shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
