Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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