Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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