Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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