she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
