In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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