so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
