Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
