I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
