Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
