I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
