I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
