last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
