and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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