Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
