i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
