yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
