Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it glows. i had to have it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
