I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
