I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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