Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
