found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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