I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
