saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
