He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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