So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
