i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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