i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
