On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
