The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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