You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize