just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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