She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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