I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
