I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize