I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
