I cut my penus on the lid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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