I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
