If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
