I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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