In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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