woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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