Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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