Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
