I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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