He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
