erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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