Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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