I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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