My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
