Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
