God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
