i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
