Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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