I think my vagina is haunted
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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