That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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