so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
