I CAN MOONWALK!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she looked like the before picture.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
