So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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