Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want nice things and good sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
