if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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