dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize