this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
