I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
well you can't waste a boner
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
