just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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