They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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