Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
