Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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