I just threw up on my dentist
babies were throwing up all over the place
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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